December 26, 2017 /
Julianna Czech
/
Cancer, General Blog, Grief, Julianna Czech, Surviving Sundays, Uncategorized, Widow, Young Cancer Families
Support groups and counseling have provided a safe place for me to talk. To share vivid dreams and signs from Adam. People who understand my anger, awkward widow humor, and the secondary losses of losing a spouse.
The first group I was invited to was December 2015. I was not thrilled to be sent an invitation to the Young Cancer Wives support group on Facebook.
This woman, kind enough to reach out when her husband had just entered hospice care. Their sons were a little older than ours when he was diagnosed with colon cancer two and a half years prior.
My husband was not going to die. He was going to defy the odds and survive well into his 40s at least. Her husband died a few weeks later. We were on opposite ends of the spectrum from my perspective.
Meet Catherine.
She has become one of my best friends. We have only met in person twice but she understands me. She gets me because we are living a “what the hell happened” kind of life and finding ways to move forward. Finding ways to feel joy again.
She gave me her number and answered any time I called. If Cat was on a home visit for work, she’d text me as soon as possible. Cat was the one who walked me through how to talk with Edward about his Daddy dying, about the funeral, about death.
Cat provides support and offers advice as a fellow widowed, solo mother who is dating. Sometimes we just call to say a lot of f-bombs together. Because nothing makes us feel better then talking for 15 minutes and seeing how many swear words we can fit in.
I went to this online support group she invited me into when it felt like the bottom to my life was falling out. When I didn’t know what to say to the endless offers of help, they gave me practical advice.
They shared their experiences of having babies when their husbands were on chemo. Tips on how to prep myself. If there were any ways to prepare someone for cancer, chemo, and a newborn baby this group would know.
Women who helped me care for myself and support Adam through his surgeries, chemo, emotional ups and downs.
Caregivers who became widows. Supporting me in a way nobody else could when it was time for hospice.
In March, I will have the privilege of meeting the founder of this group and other fellow caregivers. Sadly, most of us are now widows. It is because of these groups that I have found ways to help fellow caregivers through Cocktails and Chemo.
When Adam died, Widows Don’t Wear Black (for cancer widows) and The Hot Young Widows Club became the only reason I’d log in to Facebook or Instagram. This group of strangers grateful to have each other. All of us wishing we would have never met.
Meet Anna
It took a little more work to find a support group we could physically go to. Our social worker from the cancer center knew about a family grief support group through Fairview Health Services.
As I retold the events of how my sons and I arrived at this group, a woman across the circle kindly stared. She asked if she could go next. Anna’s s husband died less then a month after Adam from colon cancer. Their story was almost identical to ours.
Fast forward to today. Anna and her two children have become an extension of our family. She is an incredibly important person in my life.
Our oldest boys are a year apart in age, our youngest also a year difference in age. We have morning play dates and supper dates with all four kids. It is always loud, a mess, and we can never guess who will eat and who won’t.
We rarely get in five minutes of adult conversation without interruptions but that never stops us from trying.
It is helpful to have someone nearby to relate to. Our oldest sons especially benefit from playing with another child whose “daddy died of cancer too.” As her youngest daughter and my Reggie start to identify their grief, they will lean on one another.
As mothers, we lean on one another.
We have helped each other with dishes and laundry when the other was sick. When getting to regular counseling sessions became difficult with my new schedule, our weekly dates at the zoo became my grief therapy.
Regardless of how our grief is affecting us in the moment, we can get each other to smile. She laughs at my inappropriate jokes. We encourage and inspire one another. There is an exchange of f-bombs when the kids are not within ear shot. (Disclaimer: young widows love the f-bomb.)
Without social media, I wouldn’t have made new friendships.
Without our social worker at the hospital, I wouldn’t have found the family grief support group or my grief counselor.
A large part of why I am a survivor is because of these gifts.
December 23, 2017 /
Julianna Czech
/
General Blog, Julianna Czech, Surviving Sundays, Uncategorized
We survived our first 5K on a hot and humid morning. (2011)
Survival was the biggest gift.
I do not remember much from the first six months. Family, friends, and our nannies helped often and frequently with the boys so I could merely survive this new life I didn’t ask for. Shock helped protect me but around July it started to wear off.
August was a wake up call when I was blessed with the shingles. Blessed? It wasn’t a blessing at the time but I can look back now and see it was.
It helped me realize several things. My antidepressant was NOT working. I was on such a low dose but honestly, never felt like I needed it. My medication was increased when I got the shingles because people in their 30’s get shingles from lack of sleep, stress, and a low immune system.
I turned into a zombie from the increased dose. I was exhausted and no amount of coffee or naps helped. In November, I couldn’t take it anymore. Six weeks later on a new medication, I am not exhausted anymore. My highs actually feel high and I can feel the lows too. My mood has leveled out and I can function better.
I needed to find ways to get quality sleep and take better care of myself. While I have not found the answers to simplifying life with two busy boys, it has improved. The new medication and taking melatonin before bed has greatly improved my overall health.
In November, instead of turning to wine to drown my sorrow, I joined the YMCA. I can workout while they boys play; instead of trying to exercise at home with them literally under my feet, asking for a snack every two seconds. I am enjoying exercise again, something I got away from when the lows became more frequent then the highs. It has been key to my mental and physical health.
Okay, so you might be asking yourself, “Why is she sharing her medical chart with us?” Antidepressants get a bad name and some people assume they are for the weak or grieving. I think that is absolutely wrong. I was on an antidepressant in college for about six months. Sometimes these medications are long term and sometimes they help your body and mind get through stressful situations until you can maintain balance again. There is no shame in asking your doctor about a prescription.
Exercise. Simple right? Simple to skip, that is what I think. I go through phases this last year where I think, “Why even try to be healthy? Adam exercised, ate well, and lost weight the years before he was diagnosed and it didn’t matter. Eating organic didn’t matter. Drinking only once a week didn’t matter. Why will it be the difference if I exercise, eat well, and limit my (bottles of…) wine?”
Honestly, I don’t know what to believe is the right answer to prevent cancer anymore. Fitness didn’t prevent Adam’s body from overproducing cancerous cells. I do know it was one of the things he did that helped his body and mind feel better. Exercise helped him feel in control of something. It helped him survive when he felt terrible.
I think about us going to the gym together over the years. The body pump and cycle classes we went to. The session of yoga classes he took with me at a studio. Imagine Adam in yoga? Yeah, it was as hilarious as you are imagining! He did it though and never complained. He started running with me one summer and we ran a 5K. He even stepped in and ran with my friend when I was injured so she didn’t have to run the race we planned to do together. We walked the river boulevard probably a hundred times when we lived in St. Paul and biked by the river.
When I get in a rut and don’t want to exercise, I think about Adam. I think about him going for a walk when he was wearing his pump for chemo. I think about him walking after his surgery in summer and how every step was like climbing a mountain for him. Getting back to fitness has helped me feel better overall and has been a big factor in surviving.
I survived a lot this year. Even something as simple as eating and going to a body pump class brings a constant flood of memories with Adam. I trust I will survive all the happy and sad memories next year too.
Survival, the biggest gift of 2017.
October 6, 2017 /
Julianna Czech
/
General Blog, Julianna Czech, Surviving Sundays, Uncategorized
I remember Adam telling me to slow down as we walked out of church. “I want to remember every second.” This is how we treated our time together, enjoying every second.
October 3, 2009 I married my best friend and soul mate.
October 3, 2016 we celebrated our last anniversary.
Or so I thought.
Our seventh wedding anniversary weekend. It was the last weekend Adam felt well. We went on three dates, THREE! Date one, The Mixed Blood Theater to see “BBQ” on Friday. Date two, The Stripclub for Adam’s (last) steak dinner (really a four star restaurant, not an actual strip club!). Date three, we attended church together (for the last time) on Sunday morning, followed by a visit to the Highbridge in St. Paul where he proposed one hot summer day. I’ll never forget this weekend. Adam made sure it was as special as ever.
I thought about October 3, 2017 for months. What would our first wedding anniversary look like without Adam by my side? Was I celebrating seven years forever or would I celebrate our eighth wedding anniversary?
Adam was in my heart and thoughts as he is every other day. As I ate breakfast on our anniversary morning, I watched and listened to our boys run around laughing, playing together, and intermittently crying {more like screaming} as one bumped into the other too hard. Edward and Reginald, a product of our love and future. His legacy. My anchors in life.
In that moment, I felt joyful. I felt thankful for the seven full years of marriage and the love we gave to each other. This day was about memories and our commitment to love each other until death do us part. It should forever be celebrated.
Renewing our vows on November 16, 2016. The same look of love while we are holding our two little loves.
We renewed our vows on November 16, 2016, two days before he died. I remember clearly when our Pastor took me outside in the hospital hallway before we renewed our love in front of our family. He talked to me about updating the words to reflect our vows living on into eternity. It was so beautiful, I loved the updated version for Adam and I.
On our wedding day, we wrote personal vows to each other. After the advice of our Pastor, we also used
the traditional vows so we could renew them at any wedding ceremony we attended. We vowed to love one another until death do us part. When we renewed our vows, we said “love never ends”. It hasn’t, and it doesn’t.
Some might not understand how you can love someone more every day, even after they are gone from this earth. Hell, I still get mad at Adam. Some, probably many, might not understand how you can love again after you lose a spouse.
It is an incredible blessing and absolutely possible to love two people at once. I have been a witness to this, watching close friends who are widowed love their late husband while at the same time, honoring their legacy by loving life. Honoring their marriage by reopening their hearts to love again and grow.
A close widowed friend compared it to the love a parent can have for more than one child. When we got pregnant with our youngest, I wasn’t sure I could love another baby as much as my first. But I do!
My heart has expanded and grown in ways I didn’t know was possible. It has been able to grow because of the strong marriage Adam and I had for seven years and in my heart, continues. I will always be committed to him and remember him.
I visited Adam and brought him our two favorite beers for our anniversary. Wherever heaven is babe, cheers to our love!
This year there were no wrapped presents to give each other. No cards with personal messages and our signatures. This year, our gift to each other was our eternal love. Adam’s gift was the confidence he had in me and how he filled my love bucket every day for the entire nine and a half years we were together. The gift of his blessing for me to live and love life. His wish for me to love others after he was gone.
My gift to him was to follow through on my promise that I will be okay. My promise to be the best mom I can be to his sons. My gift was to continue honoring his legacy by writing, sharing memories of him, and finding a way to love again. I celebrated, yes! I celebrated our anniversary! This year my friends were my date and we toasted our anniversary.
Widowed friends understand all the anniversaries and hard days like no one else. This sweet treat was sent to me by one of my amazing Widowsisters.
When we renewed our vows, a member from our church gave us this gorgeous gift with our wedding Bible verse. It hangs in my hallway, and every day I think to myself, “love never ends.”
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful. It is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way. Love does not rejoice at wrong but rejoices in the right. It is not irritable or resentful. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
As I sat and looked through probably 100 cards Adam gave to me over the years for our anniversary, for birthdays, and just because he plain old loved me; I was reminded of our faithfulness and fun we had with one another. It brought many tears to my face but it also brought many bursts of laughter, as I read the cards he wrote me (some even from our dog and her perspective). There was also plenty of proof Mr. Adam Paul Czech used plenty of exclamation points in his life! This card alone, had three!
“I am the luckiest guy in the world to be married to you. If I could do my life over again, I would’ve married you after our first date so I could’ve enjoyed you as my wife even longer!! Love you! Adam
I visited Adam at his grave site over the weekend and gave him a toast with our two favorite beers. What I say in my heart every day, I will leave here for our friends and family.
I loved you yesterday.
I love you still.
Always have, always will.
No regrets.
August 17, 2017 /
Julianna Czech
/
General Blog, Julianna Czech, Surviving Sundays, Uncategorized
{Susan Coyne Photography}
Becoming a widow at age 33 threw my expectations of life out the window.
There was an expectation July was going to be one of the worst months in my first year without Adam. I didn’t want there to be much time to think about our last summer together. Adam wanted me to live and enjoy life so I tried.
I really wanted to forget how much hope we had last year at this time because it stings so badly. A big part of me wanted to have this “new normal” that doesn’t exist, by keeping ourselves busy and making new memories so we wouldn’t dwell in the past.
See, I can anticipate when certain dates, certain seasons, certain events will be more difficult. What I didn’t anticipate, was that my grief would not get any easier. I did not anticipate that at some point my coping skills I’ve relied on so heavily would not be enough.
Lately my days have been busy filling out preschool, daycare, and screening forms for my boys. Parenting duties which were my job before, but fall all on my now. These forms ask for names of parents, emergency contact persons, and “special life events” teachers need to know about. A constant trigger and reminder I need to talk with new teachers this year about my son’s deceased father, his coping skills, and our home life.
I am really at a loss lately. I have to dig deep to find the good in my day. I second guess all my decisions and hope I am making the right ones.
A few months ago, it felt like I was rocking this widow life. I leaned into my grief, cried, and would find the good in my day to keep going. Now I am more angry than not at cancer and the universe. Being a solo parent is hard. What is even harder, is remembering that my path to solo parenting started well before Adam passed.
This sounds harsh. It is harsh. I would yell at Adam and correct others when they would comment on how I was handling parenting and the house on my own. I wasn’t handling them on my own a year ago, not at all.
I still had Adam. He was still reading a few stories to the boys and could pay bills when I forgot. There were even good days sprinkled in after surgery where he made breakfast one day and supper the next. I was still married and wore my wedding ring with pride.
There was hope. Hope we held for more time. Hope for a miracle. Even if he only felt food a few hours a week, I had his humor and smile. I could still hold his hand and give him a kiss good night.
The truth of the matter, is that a year ago I became the primary caretaker of bills, the household (aka organizing help), and parenting. When people tell me how “strong” I am, I hear it, sometimes I own it. Other times, I silently say to myself “I have been grieving and preparing for widowhood since we learned there was a grapefruit sized tumor in his colon.”
For the last twenty months I have been taking care of so many details. I am tired. I send my boys to their grandparents and I still feel tired. I feel guilty because I rarely accomplish anything other then some extra sleep. At the same time, I know to be a good parent I must take breaks. To grieve, I need time alone. I need rest.
This post was started a week ago but my body finally said “enough is enough”. What I thought was allergies, or maybe even hives from stress, turned into shingles on my left eye, face, and scalp. I have laid in bed the last few days, completely fatigued and angry because I am ill, falling more behind instead of holding my own.
It also made me realize, I got away from taking care of myself and let grief dictate what felt good in the moment. I shed more tears this summer, alone, with friends, and even in public than I have in months. The balancing ct of enjoying life and grieving is a fine art. I tried to run from my grief but grief will always find you.
The expectations I have for myself are unrealistic. The little bit left of my logical brain knows this. Then grief rears its ugly head. The huge waves of emotions, while raising two small children leaves me mentally and physically exhausted. At 33 years old, I cannot make it through a day without a nap.
In a recent conversation with my new therapist and in my cancer widow support group, we talked about exhaustion. How in the world did I manage everything in the short year Adam was sick? I survived on a few hours of sleep at night and bits of naps during the day for most of 2016.
Caregiver adrenaline, that is how. When my therapist and group told me fatigue is very common in the first two to three years, I almost crumbled. At the same time, hearing this helps me feel more normal. It is helping me to adjust my expectations and get back to living life day to day. Focusing on what really needs to be done. Trying so hard to hear Adam’s voice, telling me to cut myself some slack.
Again and again, I need to adjust my expectations. Enjoy our boys while they are little. Relax my mind when I think about what really needs to be done. I erased the list on the fridge and put it away where it can only be seen if there is energy for it.
Get back to the basics.
Pray.
Rest.
Choose happiness.
And throw those expectations out the window.
June 28, 2017 /
Julianna Czech
/
General Blog, Julianna Czech, Surviving Sundays, Uncategorized
(Susan Coyne Photography)
Adam often comes through to me in songs and dreams. One of the most powerful ways he connects with me is when I am writing and a song comes on the radio. As I was writing to our sons about their daddy, the song Inner Demons by artist and songwriter Julia Brennan came on the radio.
Angels, angels please keep on fighting.
Keep on fighting.
Angels don’t give up on me today.
Cause the demons; they are there.
They keep on fighting.
Inner demons just won’t go away.
So angels please, hear my prayer.
Life is pain; life’s not fair.
So angels please; please stay here.
Take the pain; take the fear.
Life isn’t always fair. I feel like I have demons inside me some days, trying to drag me down. This song speaks to me on so many levels.
The fight for those “happy-sad” moments is a real battle some days. Fighting to choose happiness. Fighting to move forward in life and let go of some painful memories because all they do is stir up anger. Cancer stirs up anger.
This ongoing war within me leaves me exhausted. I have learned to lean into my grief now and rest. I let the guilt go for resting and listen to my widow-sisters when they tell me resting is doing something. They remind me it is what I need to be doing in that moment.
Adam used to ask me, “What do you need to get done today? Nothing, just hang out with the boys. That’s all you need to do.” So I listen to him now and remember the only thing that matters is taking care of the boys, eating, and sleeping. Really, truly the basics.
My friend took this picture of us three days after Adam died. Three days removed from us, I chose to find joy in this moment.
Every morning, I have a choice to make. To smile and find a piece of happiness or let my grief steal these little moments with my sons. No matter how small that moment might be, I will always choose happiness. My friend took this picture of us three days after Adam died. Three days removed from us, I chose to find joy in this moment.
Finding joy every day is not easy. Anger likes to creep in. The inner demons.
What would happen if I didn’t let anger slide in at God for taking Adam from us and leaving me with a hard, lonely life some days? What if instead, I looked at what God wants me to do now? What if I focused and prayed on what my purpose is in this next chapter of my life?
What if I stopped being angry at myself for not being the mother or woman I imagined myself being at 33 years old? What if instead, I allowed myself grace on the days that life is really, really hard? What if I truly acknowledged I have become a stronger, more confident and complete person in the wake of losing my best friend to cancer?
What if I focused within myself for happiness? What if instead, I learned to be fully content with what I’ve been given today? How would I feel if I embraced my imperfections and learned from them?
I have faith my life won’t always feel this heavy. Letting go of the anger helps me heal and resolve the guilt. It is also realistic to know my grief will always be a companion. That is the price of true love with an incredible man.
Reflecting back now, I relied heavily on my late husband too often for happiness. I think we all do when we are in a relationship. As the years go by, you become dependent on each other.
Through my grief, I am learning to be more independent. I am finding new hobbies, like writing, and carving out time to do them. I am making myself a priority more then I ever have in my life and that is important. It is important for everyone, no matter where you are in life.
One evening, my friend was in a grumpy mood. I asked him to tell me what the best three things were in his day. I kept asking him to tell me two more things until he got to ten. I then added ten more things he could be thankful for. We had a good laugh when he said, “you just made me more grumpy by asking me all these questions!” I had violated my personal rule of “Sometimes it is okay to not be okay!”
This simple conversation made me think. I truly do wake up grateful every day. Now some days I do not wake up happy AND grateful, but I always wake up grateful.
Yes, always grateful.
Grateful for my sons, their health, and their smiles.
Grateful I woke up, for my health, and for those moments in the day when I laugh.
Happiness is a choice that starts within myself, that starts within everyone. My inner demons try to pull me back from moving forward in life and living a life Adam would want for me. Yes, some days it really is okay to “not be okay.” This is reality.
But every day, I will wake up grateful. I will find a moment in my day, just one moment, to find something I am thankful for. It really is one of the easiest ways to turn my frown upside down.
All I need to do is look at my sons, Edward and Reginald.
And I will choose happiness, every time.
So angels please, hear my prayer.
Life is pain; life’s not fair.
So angels please; please stay here.
Take the pain; take the fear.
April 22, 2017 /
Julianna Czech
/
Cancer, General Blog, Julianna Czech, Surviving Sundays, Uncategorized
Learning to be brave on Easter,
our first without Daddy.
During breakfast on a recent Friday, I started sobbing pouring cereal and making toast. I just couldn’t stop crying. Rarely do I enjoy a good cry. Who does? My tears over the last 18 months have been tears of sorrow. At 18 weeks pregnant with our youngest son, my late husband was diagnosed with cancer. Less then a year later, I was burying my forever 34 year old husband days before we would have celebrated his birthday.
My husband died at 11:30 pm on a rainy, cold Friday in November. Some Fridays, like other days of the week, the loss I feel is starting to soften but it will always be there. This particular Friday morning, it was so raw and fresh. It felt like he just took his last breath, all while it felt like he’s been gone a lifetime from our young family.
My oldest son Edward told me, “Be brave mommy.” He went on to comfort me and explain “people die, Daddy is in heaven.” My three year old explaining death to me, encouraging me to be brave until I stopped crying. When my tears subsided, my always large appetite for breakfast came back. I had my coffee, ate my eggs, and went on to race remote control cars with my two sons.
I teach my son about death and grief because I have to. His daddy died and he misses him. In a few years, I will teach his younger brother about death and grief. Many adults have not experienced the kind of loss my sons and I have. I teach my sons it is okay to be sad. Tears are not a sign of weakness, they are a sign of having loved someone so much that you miss their presence in this life. We have not lost our love, but we have lost seeing them, feeling their hugs, talking to them, hearing their voice and so much more.
I also teach him we can be happy and sad at the same time. Edward often asks me if I am happy or sad during the day. Sometimes my response is “I am sad, I miss Daddy” and other times it is “I am happy right now, but I am always missing Daddy.” He calls this “happy-sad“. What a perfect way to describe grief and moving forward in life! Three year olds really can simplify death and grief. They are amazing teachers.
In my experience, grief in my oldest child looks like it does for adults, only simplified. It shows up as anger through tantrums, withdrawal from playing with others, being more quiet or loud than usual, and new unexplained behaviors that weren’t there before. As an adult I have problems sleeping some nights, and there is no doubt my oldest son has shown signs of needing more naps, more snuggles, and more structure around bedtime to get adequate sleep. It is a fine line determining what is grief in young children and what is their “new normal” development.
I am not a teacher or child development specialist, although I passed several of those classes in college until I declared my degree. I am simply a mommy learning about grief with my son. Be gentle with children (and adults) grieving a death, divorce, illness, or other loss. Patience is key, both in looking for patterns to determine the behavior and in dealing with them. In the last month, slowing life down and spending more time together has helped our family begin to relax more at home. Their daddy was a patient man and believed in quality time together. This is a great way to live life with or without loss.
Brave. One word describing my husband and how he lived with cancer.
Be Brave. Two words I tell my son often when he is afraid.
Be Brave Mommy. Three words my son now tells me when he sees me feeling sad and afraid of our future.
Learning to be Brave. Four words I now try to live by every day. In the last month alone, I celebrated Easter with my sons and took them to church by myself, without their Daddy. I booked a trip for myself to the Netherlands with my girlfriends this fall. I got a tattoo in Adam’s handwriting from our journal, reminding me of his love and encouragement. Soon, we will celebrate Reginald’s first birthday. Another milestone in our life I will need to be brave for.
Go out in your life and really live life. Do something for yourself, do something for others. Make memories. And be brave doing the tough stuff.
October 24, 2016 /
Adam Czech
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Adam - CheeseheadTV, Uncategorized
Jeff Pearlman’s new Brett Favre biography,”Gunslinger: The Remarkable,Improbable,Iconic Life of Brett Favre,” (link to Amazon) comes out this week. We got a sneak peek at the book here at CheeseheadTV and are offering up this review:
I remember being 17 years old,laying on my parent’s couch and reading Jeff Pearlman’s now (in)famous profile of John Rocker, the loudmouthed Atlanta Braves closer,in Sports Illustrated in 1999. When I finished the piece,I had two thoughts:
1.That was different.
2.That was awkward.
Fast forward 16 years and Pearlman is a unique and accessible presence in the world of online sports journalism and one of the most underrated sports biographers on the market. Pearlman’s resume includes outstanding books on the Dallas Cowboys’ 1990s dynasty,the Showtime Los Angeles Lakers and Walter Payton. He’s
a personal favorite author and journalist,one of those writers whose work you immediately click when it pops in your Twitter feed regardless of what you’re doing.
So why wasn’t I more excited to learn that Pearlman would be writing a book about Brett Favre,my favorite athlete? Two reasons:
1.I consumed anything and everything Favre-related since the day he became the Packers quarterback. Print profiles,TV features,radio interviews,John Madden gushing over No. 4 during broadcasts — I read/viewed/listened/loved them all. What else is left to be said about Favre that hasn’t already been said? Does the world of sports media need more Brett Favre?
2.Like Pearlman’s Rocker piece,I was worried about things getting…awkward. Deep down I knew there was probably plenty more to be said about Favre than what had already been said. Because Pearlman is good at what he does,I knew he’d unearth a lot of this stuff and it was likely to be awkward. I know Favre,like all of us,is a flawed human being. But did I really want to know just how much more flawed my favorite athlete was than I originally thought? Part of me just wanted to remember the touchdown passes,the Super Bowl,the hiccup with addiction,the Iron Man streak and leave it at that.
That’s a long-winded personal intro to what is supposed to be book review. Alright,enough of me blabbing. How’s the book?
Good. Really good. A definite must-read for Packers fans,Favre fans,football fans and fans of good books and exhaustive reporting.
Within the first 20 pages it hits you just how much research Pearlman put into this effort. This isn’t a compilation of information on Favre one can easily find from existing sources. Pearlman conducted nearly 600 interviews and dug through all kinds of other sources to paint a fresh picture of Favre that includes new revelations and insightful perspectives on information that already exists.
My first concern – that the book would be a simple rehash of anecdotes and facts any diehard Favre follower was already familiar with – was laid to rest almost immediately.
How about that second concern? Did things get awkward? They sure did.
When Pearlman dives deeper into Favre’s addiction issues,his marriage to Deanna,the car wreck that nearly ended his career,how he treated Aaron Rodgers,and even how Favre’s father,Irv,treated the opposite sex,Favre fanboys might be tempted to cover their ears and scream “LA LA LA LA! I CAN’T HEAR YOU! LA LA LA!”
I would encourage you not to do that. And I’m one of the bigger Favre fanboys around.
Pearlman tackles the difficult topics surrounding Favre fairly. He doesn’t gloss them over. He doesn’t rub it in your face that your hero could be an a$$hole at times. Favre’s shortcomings and indiscretions are weaved into the overall narrative to paint a more complete picture of Favre than ever before. That’s not an easy task when you’re writing about a guy who legitimately saved a NFL franchise and also texted a picture of his wiener to a young NFL female reporter (yes,this incident is covered in the book).I
If I had to nitpick the book,I’d say that not much new ground is covered in the Favre divorce from the Packers. But again,there were literally thousands of journalists reporting on the ordeal and nobody has been able to siphon the full story out of any cracks in the walls at 1265 Lombardi Ave. Besides,the details and anecdotes about Favre’s childhood and early career more than make for any lack of new info from the divorce.
People often complained about Favre saturation when he played. All Favre,all the time was just too much Favre. But today,NFL ratings are down and the on-filed product is slipping. Maybe if the league still had a “Gunslinger” as the face of its league,things would be different.
Final rating 4.5 out of 5.
You can purchase “Gunslinger: The Remarkable,Improbable,Iconic Life of Brett Favre”
here. (Please insert Amazon link.)
October 18, 2016 /
Adam Czech
/
Adam - CheeseheadTV, Uncategorized
I don’t mean to make the Packers Stock Report all about me,but after Sunday’s performance from the hometown squad,I thought maybe we could all use a change of pace. The following is what I posted Monday Night on the Caring Bridge site I use to keep people updated on my battle with cancer.
Yes,the Packers were terrible,but I had another amazing time at Lambeau Field.
An abbreviated Packers Stock Report is at the end of this post.
This weekend I didn’t feel well at all. I was bloated and struggled to eat and drink. Bouts of acid reflux/heartburn kicked in at random times and made me feel like I was going to yak. My energy level was up and down — one minute I felt refreshed,the next I wanted to sleep for days. Just when I thought my diarrhea was under control,it returned with a vengeance (sorry,that was probably TMI). A weird pain lingers in my stomach,almost like I got punched repeatedly in the abdomen by the 1990 version of Mike Tyson.
To top it off,the wife and I made our annual pilgrimage to Lambeau Field for a Packers game and the Packers played like East Dillon High School on “Friday Night Lights” before Coach Taylor straightened them out. Aaron Rodgers has gone from a perennial MVP candidate to the second-coming of Randy Wright. As Vince Lombardi once said,”What the hell’s going on out here?”
To put a cherry on top of everything,I managed to come down with a cold.
Heartburn! Diarrhea! Cancer! A Packers loss! Sounds like an absolutely miserable weekend,right?
Wrong. It was beautiful.
There is nothing better in this world than being in Lambeau Field with my wife. This was our 12th Packers game together. We’ve seen the Packers beat Peyton Manning,Drew Brees and Tom Brady. We stood covered in snow as Brett Favre led a come-from-behind playoff win in a game that will forever be known as “The Snowglobe.” We’ve sat in the corner of the end zone as the Packers beat the Vikings in the playoffs,and we were in the bleachers around the 40 yard line when Matt Flynn jogged off the bench to lead to the Pack to a rallying…tie against the Vikes (oh well).
We traveled to Chicago to witness the Packers punch their ticket to Super Bowl XLV with a win over the Bears. Three days before I was diagnosed,we braved a sleet storm to see Favre’s number retired and officially welcomed back to Green Bay.
Ok,I’m getting nostalgic now. The bottom line is this: All of those moments we enjoyed together. Hell,even if the Packers lost every game we attended 104-2,they’d still be magical memories because those moments happened with the prettiest Packers fan around. I wasn’t going to let stupid cancer get in the way of another day of Lambeau memories.
Walking to the stadium Sunday was a little bittersweet. If you’ve never been to Lambeau Field on game day,it’s a combination of Mardi Gras and family cookout. The beer flows. The scent of grilled meat hangs over the entire city. People get way too crazy for a Sunday.
That used to be Julianna and I getting way too crazy for a Sunday at Lambeau,but not yesterday. My body isn’t able to handle beer or grilled meats these days,so whenever I saw someone chugging a Spotted Cow or munching on a bratwurst,I was jealous. But before I felt too sorry for myself,I’d grab my wife’s hand as we cut through the crowd.
Forget beer or meat. She was all I needed.
Entering Lambeau Field is like an out-of-body experience. The greatest franchise in all of sports plays here. It’s where Bart Starr sneaked into the end zone to win the Ice Bowl. It’s where Reggie White racked up sacks while a 12-year-old me cheered him watching on a snowy television back in Minnesota. It’s where Julianna was once,ahem,”overserved” at our first game together (vs. Carolina). It’s where I’d spend every Sunday if I could.
Unfortunately,the Packers didn’t create any new memories with their play on Sunday. But we still had a blast,even if we spent more time cracking wise about our favorite team’s struggles instead of standing and yelling after a touchdown. And,hey,Brett Favre made another appearance,so that was cool. Some fans would boo after yet another Packers miscue. I was in Lambeau Field on a beautiful Sunday afternoon with my love watching the Packers. The last thing on my mind was booing.
I think Julianna was a little worried I didn’t have a good time Sunday because she knows I wasn’t feeling the best. I reassured her I had an amazing time for all the reasons cited above. Here’s hoping we can do it again in the future,and this time see another Packers win.
Packers Stock Report
Rising
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Offensive line
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Ty Montgomery
Steady
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Mike Daniels
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Ha Ha Clinton-Dix
Falling
October 11, 2016 /
Adam Czech
/
Adam - CheeseheadTV, Uncategorized
If you struggle to fall asleep at night,or if you have small children who refuse to settle down long enough to take a nap,the 2016 Green Bay Packers might be able to help. Just watch some film of this year’s Packers team — especially its offense — and you and/or your kids should be sawing logs in no time.
The Packers are boring now. I’ve spent almost as much time yawning as I have cheering during games.
For years,Packers fans have enjoyed the gunslinging exploits of Brett Favre and the big-play precision of Aaron Rodgers. On defense,stars like Reggie White,LeRoy Butler,Clay Matthews and Charles Woodson incited roars from the home crowd with big plays.
Those days seem to have disappeared. Today,Packers fans are forced to watch an offense that sputters along instead of gliding down the field. Timeouts are wasted,passes are dropped,balls are fumbled and the quarterback no longer bothers setting his feet before making a throw. At least when similar issues arose in the past,we had John Kuhn around so we could yell “Kuuuuuuuhhhhhhhn!” a couple times per game to entertain ourselves.
The defense has been solid for the most part,but it’s hard to get overly excited about containing the Jaguars,Vikings,Lions and Giants less-than-stellar offenses. And seeing Nick Perry make a play doesn’t have nearly the same magic as a Reggie White sack or Leroy Butler Lambeau Leap.
But the Packers are also 3-1. If boring gets the Packers back in the playoffs with a decent shot at another Super Bowl,I’m fine with boring. Just make sure someone wakes me up if I happen to fall asleep.
On to this week’s Packers Stock Report,which hopefully isn’t boring.
Rising
T.J. Lang
The strength of the Packers offense is the line,and Lang is probably the front five’s best player. The NBC cameras captured Lang wiping out his defender on several occasions Sunday night.
Nick Perry
A sack and six pressures…..just another day at the office for the 2016 version of Nick Perry.
Kyler Fackrell
In only 12 snaps,the rookie outside linebacker tallied a sack,a forced fumble,a QB hit and a hurry. On the season,Fackrell has nine tackles and two sacks in a very limited role. Am I being premature in listing Fackrell as a riser? Perhaps,but I didn’t expect much from him this season so what he’s accomplished so far is very impressive.
Steady
Micah Hyde
To me,Hyde is the definition of a steady player. Need him to play nickel corner,he can do that. Need him to step up and play outside,he can do that. Need a fill-in at safely,Hyde is your guy. How about a quick blitz from the slot? Hyde will deliver. Hyde might not be a game-changing player,but he makes sure the field doesn’t tilt in the wrong direction whenever he’s out there.
David Bakktiari
Jason Pierre-Paul and Olivier Vernon are paid big bucks to rush quarterbacks from the edge. Neither could get to Rodgers on Sunday night,thanks in large part to the efforts of Bakhtiari.
LaDarius Gunter
He hasn’t made any flashy plays,but Gunter has been solid in a secondary that dealing with injuries. If Sam Shields is able to return to and Damarious Randall can return to form,the depth of this secondary will be a major strength heading into winter.
Falling
Jacob Schum
Will Ted Thompson admit that he effed this one up and bring back Tim Masthay (or anybody)?
James Starks
A dropped screen pass that would have likely resulted in an easy touchdown,a near-disastrous fumble late in the fourth quarter,always bouncing runs outside…Starks was really bad against the Giants and so far looks nothing like the reliable backup he was last season.
National announcers who always praise Jared Abbrederis
It seems like every game the announcing crew takes 30 seconds to talk about how much the Packers,along with Aaron Rodgers,love Jared Abbrederis. Then Abbrederis never plays. Look,I like Abbrederis,too,but maybe it’s time to stop dedicating airtime to a player who hasn’t been a part of the Packers offense all season.
October 9, 2016 /
Adam Czech
/
Adam - CheeseheadTV, Uncategorized
My apologies for the short five reasons post today. Real life and my oldest son’s third birthday party got in the way of me writing a lengthy,snarky and only partially factual post containing five reasons why the Packers will beat the Giants tonight.
I’ll still give you the five reasons,minus the snarkiness and context. I’ll let you judge their factualness.
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Because Eli Manning pooped his pants whenever a pass rusher came within three yards of him during Monday’s loss to the Vikings.
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Because the Packers offense hopefully hit its rhythm against Detroit and will only be stronger versus New York.
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Because Odell Beckham will be arrested in the second quarter for committing a felony on the field out of frustration.
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Because Clay Matthews + a rejuvenated Nick Perry = scary.
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Because I’m sick of the Giants and Eli always playing the Packers tough and spoiling their plans for success.
Enjoy the game,folks. Go Pack Go!
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